Lessons Learnt the Hard Way

Change is inevitable. If not age, then experiences will change you. But age will too. The fine wrinkles, the declining eyesight, the loss of agility... it comes. One doesn't remain young and beautiful forever- at least not on the outside. That's the wonderful thing about change. People say, "Oh God! You've changed!" and there is that underlying tone of disapproval- pity even. For the most part, I think change is good. Why does it have to be a bad thing?

How much control do we really have in our lives? Sometimes I think not much at all. Sometimes I think it's like a long train of dominoes, so well laid out in the perfect fashion, are given a tiny nudge- and they come undone instantly one after the other steering fate to wherever it may take us. That little nudge is beyond our control. And so it has happened that after two years, another chapter in my life closes. It was an amazing journey of both laughter and tears. With the sadness comes a spark of excitement. Where will my dominoes steer me? What lies in store for me now? What new people will I come across? That's not to say we leave behind the people we've come to love and cherish. I don't think I can ever forget the few who made a profound impact on me. I should like to keep in touch with them. Sure we won't speak everyday, but if it's the one thing social media has proven to be a blessing for, it's keeping in touch with people 'you leave behind...

Life is more less going smoothly until BAM! Something happens that totally derails your center and starts to make you doubt yourself. That's apart from the anguish that crashes in waves and cascades down your cheeks. And that is precisely what happened a couple of days ago. To cut a long story short, I had a very unpleasant experience with a colleague. Now workplace tussles do occur. However, it's when accusations are hurled with utter and reckless abandon that things get nasty. Not everyone is the same. I keep telling myself that my past has made me stronger, and in a lot of ways it has. But I suppose the scars sometimes tear at the seams. I was crushed that someone would have insinuations about me like the ones she threw around. It took me back to a dark time in my life, a time I have left far behind me- but apparently not so far behind. So struck was I, that I actually left work to come home to get some space.I have never done that! But everything happens for a reason...

As the time for family to head out on their merry ways back to their countries of residence has sadly arrived, I sit here thinking about how despite the pain that inevitably comes with goodbyes,  I am in peace comforted by the fact that the cycle continues yet again. There is solace in the knowledge that all is well.

These are anxious times. Why you ask? Well, as many of you might know, this past year I have been teaching the senior most English grade at the school where I work. This undertaking was Herculean to say the least. Prior to this job, I had only just taught students of grades 1, 2 or 3. Jumping into Grade 11, preparing them, polishing them to be able to appear for their O Level exam, it was not only daunting and right out scary, it was also supremely satisfying. In fact, this afternoon, I have been invited by some of these amazing girls for a lunch out on the town. But I digress. Actually, their result comes out on 14th of August. And I've been so nervous and paranoid. Random thoughts like- what if all I taught them was wrong- what if I've ruined any chances for them to get good grades? In addition, a lot of my own judgement and the judgement of others where I work are set to be unleashed upon me. So these are indeed anxious times.

Some things just drive you insane- just like the speed of my internet right now. Then there is the fact you're gaining weight. Admittedly, you have been lazing around because it's summer break, but hey, there was Summer Camp- a whole three weeks. So why then, when I've been trying to bring joy to kids, am I being punished so? Of course, my sister and sister-in-law (who is over these days) just scoff at my languishing wails of weight gain- shrugging them off with utter disregard to the deep seated frustration. Speaking of Summer Camp- it's over. But it's not. And this is where the tone is going to get austere. These children from disadvantaged homes are more vibrant, more alive, more real than most children I see on a usual basis. My hearts breaks to pieces when I think about how such talented young individuals don't have the amenities that are granted to other kids who have been dealt a better hand. But at least they have mothers.

As I had mentioned in my earlier post, I would be volunteering to run a Language/ Creative Writing Workshop with children from under privileged areas. I'm lucky to be a part of an institution that takes doing social work very seriously. They have had these 'Summer Camp' programmes for the past three years now, and this year, I decided to partake in this charitable cause. Around 250 students from various schools between the ages of 5 to 10 are grouped age-wise and have two classes everyday ranging from Yoga to Music, from Art to Language. And boy has it been eye-opening.