A Letter to my 20 Year Old Self, Dated Today

What if time travel actually did exist? What if you could actually send your immature, silly, younger self a letter, knowing what you know now- today? What nuggets of advice would you drop into your lap? What would you do differently? Would you even heed your own wisdom? Because one of the follies of youth involve not taking anything 'wise' very seriously at all.

But if it were so...

I know I have no regrets, none at all. I know despite this imagined time travelling capability, my fate was written and I also know until there is breath in me, my story will continue to unfold as it has been pre-written. All I have to do is live it with faith and give it my very best that it should not be a colossal waste of the earth's resources. God knows there are plenty of soul sucking, poor excuse of human beings out there, and I do not intend to be one of them.

Again, if I could though, a letter to my younger self would go something like this...

Dear Rahima,

Hey there. It's me. You. 17 years from your now. It's been an interesting ride to say the least. I just wanted to tell you about some of the things I learned along the way, to help you, guide you, maybe make sense of what's to come. Oh I'm not trying to scare you. 20 years from now you will be exactly where you need to be and you'll be okay- more than okay, so don't worry about that.

But you will make some grievous errors along the way, that in hind sight, you should not have made. But to err is human and accepting that is a big part of being a human in the truest sense of the word, for if you do not have this quality then you are just an empty husk, and you will do as you please and muck it all up. I wish for you to be more accepting of your own flaws, to accept that it's okay to fail sometimes. But it's not okay to not keep trying. It's not okay for you to give up because the people around you keep criticizing you- waiting for you to mess up so that they can crush your soul. No one has the right to do that- and so...

1. Trust your instincts: Your fundamental flaw has been to ignore what your gut always knew. Oh you followed your gut when your kids needed it, but you ignored it when you needed to pay heed. So girl- don't squash your inner voice.

2. Do not kill your dreams: You are one the most energetic, most ambitious people I know, your greatest desire in the world was to make a difference and make it a better place for your posterity. But then in the midst of child bearing, rearing, home making, you lost your groove. The forces around you will conspire to crush the very essence of you, you need to keep it kindled so that you can be an even better mom than you will eventually become- and you will be a damn good one. And as for those aspirations, go ahead, pursue them as you certainly could have.

3. Don't tolerate the slaughter of your self-respect: I'm sorry to say, this will be your biggest flaw. With the passage of time, your self respect will be bled dry, but only because you will become too weak to keep it healthy. You will destroy your own self-worth by letting others take undue advantage. And you won't even see it. Because that's just the kind of person you are- don't lose that innocence, but please- the today's version of you had to conquer mountains to bring it back to life. You cut it a little to short for comfort.

4. Why destroy your health? Being a mom of seven will not entitle you to nullify your health- both emotionally or physically. But that is what you will do. Girl, eat a little, relax, it turns out okay every time.

5. Boundaries.. what boundaries? You will need to establish some healthy boundaries. You will let everyone trample all over you and what's more- you'll do it GLADLY. You will become an insufferable fool in this regard. Your vocabulary will not have the word 'no' in it, until inevitably it will be the only thing you will know. Balance dear Rahima...balance.

6. Do not sell yourself short: Even when you will give an arm and a leg to people, it won't be nearly enough to satisfy them. And so you... you'll begin to chop off your other arm and your other leg. You need to acknowledge your contribution and what's more you need to start asking for what you should be getting, and what you rightfully need in return. Be open about what you need, no one is a mind reader.

7. Why kill ties? Dear girl, in the quest to do as what is required, you will ultimately lose touch with friends and family. You will do this, and you won't even realize it. There is no need to be the ceremonious sheep for slaughter in this regard, you won't be the wife or mother of the year even though that reward will be dangled in front of you. That reward does not exist.

8. Losing yourself: A time will come when you will lose yourself and you will hit rock bottom, but what sinks will either drown or come back up stronger. You will resurface gasping for breath, but you will be a survivor.

9. There is beauty for you to reach out and pull in: As time will become warped, so will your vision until you will seldom see the beauty all around you, it will be the beginning of losing your true essence, don't allow the mundane wisps of loveliness escape your notice, it is just not who you are.

You should know, younger me, that I stand here today with no regrets and yes I wish you would, could, read these things, but the very fact that I am writing to you now, only proves that I have come out the other side with my true inner self intact. I wouldn't change a thing about my life, for every crevice and nook and cranny I was set on my pre-ordained path to this second right now. I thank my ordeals, for through them, I have found, above all things, a deep anchoring in my faith.

It tickles my mind to think where I will be headed, and what type of a letter I will be writing to myself 20 years from now, if I am alive till then. Time, as they say, will tell.