November Blues

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With the cool breeze and not so humid days, also come the sniffles and the quiet. Quiet because the hum of fans no longer provides the din in the backdrop of our daily lives. Everything seems suddenly very loud and the walls seem to have more perkier ears than before.With the November temperature, the linens and wool escape the deep recesses of wardrobes. These are adorned with the most magnificent autumn colours; mature, deep and so present in the moment.

But for me, November also marks an anniversary- the anniversary of my own escape from the recesses of doom. A full three years since I escaped the bonds of unholy matrimony. But just like the paradox that life is, my children are still lost in the winter bleakness. With a dash of light, comes a pinch of darkness- always.


I recollect that moment clearly, and yet I don't want to any longer.

In the interim, I have grown and become and am becoming who I was truly meant to be- but not a mom. Well not technically, although I am literally. They say that all is well that ends well, but in my experience, there are just too many factors to realize that generalisation. Nonetheless, I wouldn't change it even if I could.

Family, friends, love, respect and preservation of dignity are so close to my heart, but it was only after I had none that I realized what their true worth was when I was one November night, suddenly  bestowed so abundantly with it all.

We all keep drifting towards death with each and every passing breath. We inch ever so closer towards the whisperings of that eternal darkness, and yet it remains to be seen whether it will provide any refuge or solace or relief from the pain that is collected over time. I should like to hope so.

Melancholy is not a good colour on any human being- except me I believe. Because I am the personification of it, but I should like to say, the hue is oddly vibrant.

I persist; I am at war, I am at peace.


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