Appreciation vs. Wanting to be Needed

What is the healthier option?

In the first instance, one is inclined to believe that both are imperative for human survival. But then one is forced to think of all the suffering in the world and realizing that refugees in a war torn area do not have the luxury of thinking along the lines of those of us who live in relatively less taxing circumstances.

A friend asked me a few days ago what I thought of when the word 'wall' is mentioned. I was going to answer facetiously, 'Trump' but judging by her very serious demeanour, I thought better of it and decided to go with, 'Personal Boundaries'; absolutely!

She gave me a wry smile. She confessed she had to go with what was right and what was wrong. This was strange to me, but turns out, my answer was strange to her. She said that the answer she gave depicted that she had an intense desire to please people even if it meant terrible inconvenience at her expense. I on the other hand, had probably passed that phase and had left it far behind.

It's not a good thing to put yourself under extreme duress just for the pleasure of someone else. People who expect you to suffer at their cost are sick people- it's as simple as that. There is a limit to how much one can do, and by 'do' I mean 'do' without having to compromise one's health, integrity, relationships and honour.

But I already knew that, I had to do that for the longest time, until I found my voice. I make this voice heard now.

I had a somewhat traumatic childhood. You see, childhood trauma, the emotional kind, sticks with you albeit in stealth mode and then manifests itself in odd ways (sometimes adversely) later in life. I am no psychologist, but I can see this in the teens I teach and in the women around me and even in young men. However, I also know that this awareness made me try to overcome my burning desire to please people at the physical and emotional expense of my mind and body.

I know so many children out there are put into terrible circumstances that forces them to grow up before their time. At a time when they should be partying, gossiping and just taking study stress, they are made to live like adults and burdened with the weight of responsibility not theirs to carry.

To such young people out there I say and I claim, 'Do not let your circumstances define you, you are so much more. You don't need to please people, your do not need to be needed. See, the sad truth is, even if you die, people with keep in breathing, eating, drinking, living. Sure it's nice to feel appreciated, but you do not need anyone to validate your actions. It's okay to say 'NO', when it becomes too much to bear.'

Know that all difficult times pass. And know that good times are yet to come. It's all in the way you choose to see your life!