Lessons Learnt the Hard Way

There were so many things over the past few days that I thought I should probably write down, because ultimately, when it was time to post something to this page, I'd have them to write about. But I'm me and I just didn't do it. And here I am with an empty head. I'm straining my mind, shuffling around in the recesses of my memory, trying to recall any poignant, eloquently poetic thoughts I might pen. Well, it's not working. Ironic. I'm the queen of stationery. I have loads of it. And the sights and smells inside a stationery shop still manage to make my legs rubbery. People in my family know that if they want my heart to explode with joy, all they need to do is get me a bag full of stationery. I digress. Poignant thoughts...

Ever heard of a home to work balance? Or the term 'being professional' and leaving behind 'baggage'? I'm not so sure about the validity of any of these terms. For instance, whilst teaching, at about 20 times during the course of the day, a connection is made in way to another to my kids. For those of you who don't know, it's been around four years now since I last saw them. So connections- I'll see a word and I'll be reminded of something. Sometimes (and it has now become sometimes), it will bring a smile to my lips, albeit a sad one- but a smile nonetheless. Like the word 'keen'. My daughter used that once. I don't know why that has stuck. Or the word 'cancer'. There a long dark story their, albeit with a happy ending. Or the universal crap that teens will throw at you. Or the PTMs where moms are forever lamenting the fact the kids are literally doomed.

Ever wonder about the idiosyncrasies of life that are universal? Certain routines, certain relationships, certain environments that hold the same basic qualities no matter where or when you are. It's both problematic and comforting simultaneously. Take for instance, a new work place. Some things never change- the tea, the desk, the people who work, the people who don't, the people who want to but can't- the list goes on. The thing that quite bugs me is the sameness of the situation. The thing that gives me a measure of solace is the sameness of the situation.

I don't think there ever is one. Let me explain. People strive (or most people do) to attain something in life. For some people its fame, for some money, good health, even good old-fashioned love. The journey has purpose and is fueled with passion and hope. Hope that the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow will all be worth it. Here's the thing though. When you final get to the end, there is no gold. It may be something that shines like gold, but it never really is gold. In fact, even the glamour and dazzle does not last. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't have dreams and aspirations. Quite the opposite really. Life only moves forward if there is something to drive it. But if life has taught me anything, the end game is never the glorious ending you expect it to be. In the end, it all goes away.

Change is inevitable. If not age, then experiences will change you. But age will too. The fine wrinkles, the declining eyesight, the loss of agility... it comes. One doesn't remain young and beautiful forever- at least not on the outside. That's the wonderful thing about change. People say, "Oh God! You've changed!" and there is that underlying tone of disapproval- pity even. For the most part, I think change is good. Why does it have to be a bad thing?

How much control do we really have in our lives? Sometimes I think not much at all. Sometimes I think it's like a long train of dominoes, so well laid out in the perfect fashion, are given a tiny nudge- and they come undone instantly one after the other steering fate to wherever it may take us. That little nudge is beyond our control. And so it has happened that after two years, another chapter in my life closes. It was an amazing journey of both laughter and tears. With the sadness comes a spark of excitement. Where will my dominoes steer me? What lies in store for me now? What new people will I come across? That's not to say we leave behind the people we've come to love and cherish. I don't think I can ever forget the few who made a profound impact on me. I should like to keep in touch with them. Sure we won't speak everyday, but if it's the one thing social media has proven to be a blessing for, it's keeping in touch with people 'you leave behind...

Life is more less going smoothly until BAM! Something happens that totally derails your center and starts to make you doubt yourself. That's apart from the anguish that crashes in waves and cascades down your cheeks. And that is precisely what happened a couple of days ago. To cut a long story short, I had a very unpleasant experience with a colleague. Now workplace tussles do occur. However, it's when accusations are hurled with utter and reckless abandon that things get nasty. Not everyone is the same. I keep telling myself that my past has made me stronger, and in a lot of ways it has. But I suppose the scars sometimes tear at the seams. I was crushed that someone would have insinuations about me like the ones she threw around. It took me back to a dark time in my life, a time I have left far behind me- but apparently not so far behind. So struck was I, that I actually left work to come home to get some space.I have never done that! But everything happens for a reason...

As the time for family to head out on their merry ways back to their countries of residence has sadly arrived, I sit here thinking about how despite the pain that inevitably comes with goodbyes,  I am in peace comforted by the fact that the cycle continues yet again. There is solace in the knowledge that all is well.

These are anxious times. Why you ask? Well, as many of you might know, this past year I have been teaching the senior most English grade at the school where I work. This undertaking was Herculean to say the least. Prior to this job, I had only just taught students of grades 1, 2 or 3. Jumping into Grade 11, preparing them, polishing them to be able to appear for their O Level exam, it was not only daunting and right out scary, it was also supremely satisfying. In fact, this afternoon, I have been invited by some of these amazing girls for a lunch out on the town. But I digress. Actually, their result comes out on 14th of August. And I've been so nervous and paranoid. Random thoughts like- what if all I taught them was wrong- what if I've ruined any chances for them to get good grades? In addition, a lot of my own judgement and the judgement of others where I work are set to be unleashed upon me. So these are indeed anxious times.

Some things just drive you insane- just like the speed of my internet right now. Then there is the fact you're gaining weight. Admittedly, you have been lazing around because it's summer break, but hey, there was Summer Camp- a whole three weeks. So why then, when I've been trying to bring joy to kids, am I being punished so? Of course, my sister and sister-in-law (who is over these days) just scoff at my languishing wails of weight gain- shrugging them off with utter disregard to the deep seated frustration. Speaking of Summer Camp- it's over. But it's not. And this is where the tone is going to get austere. These children from disadvantaged homes are more vibrant, more alive, more real than most children I see on a usual basis. My hearts breaks to pieces when I think about how such talented young individuals don't have the amenities that are granted to other kids who have been dealt a better hand. But at least they have mothers.

As I had mentioned in my earlier post, I would be volunteering to run a Language/ Creative Writing Workshop with children from under privileged areas. I'm lucky to be a part of an institution that takes doing social work very seriously. They have had these 'Summer Camp' programmes for the past three years now, and this year, I decided to partake in this charitable cause. Around 250 students from various schools between the ages of 5 to 10 are grouped age-wise and have two classes everyday ranging from Yoga to Music, from Art to Language. And boy has it been eye-opening.

Another important day has become a part of history. Although the fun, laughter, Eidi (spending money received by seniors), guests, being guests, and the partying is refreshing, it is also a time to reflect. Another Eid is not guaranteed. Neither is another day for that matter. But it does give you perspective. Are you happy with where you are in life? Is there something you wish you could do right now? It there something you aspire to? Is there anything more out there? What do you look forward to getting done until next Eid? How was this year any different than the last?

Dear readers, Sometimes, life is so sad. You hear about things... about the tragic circumstances of life. A first time young mother loses her new born son days after the birth- a middle aged man watches helplessly as his aged father gradually slips away- another young woman is stuck in a household that disregards her existence... (that one sounds familiar)...

Being in a rather introspective mood today, I have been contemplating the source of my so called strength. There is no doubt that there isn't a single soul on the face of this earth who has not undergone, is undergoing and shall continue to undergo what my dad likes to call 'takleef'- 'pain'. That is what the definition of the world is. Ironically, this very pain, the grief, the trauma, the despair is what highlights pockets of joy and happiness in a spectacular way. It takes loss to know gain. It takes stress to know relaxation. It takes evil to know good.

Well, my sis and I are trying out these really amazing potato balls. They're as simple as anything and cost next to nothing. All you do is boil about 4 medium potatoes and mash them.

Ah the day has finally arrived- the day the madness ends. Although, there are still tonnes of things to be done during the summer break, there is some reprieve in knowing that you can sleep in late. But most importantly, it is that part of the year when my siblings flock into town one by one with their families. My brother, his wife and his irresistibly adorable two year daughter get in from Toronto in a couple of days. It's always wonderful to reconnect. My brother, for the most part, is a pretty stoic fellow, but he and I connect on an intellectual level rivaled by a select few- a select precious few. I love the company of his wife, and I love playing with his daughter. Seldom little is more precious than the love of one's family. God knows, in the absence of my own children whom I love to death, I have ample reserves of it to give to anyone willing to receive it. This includes my dedicated team of teachers, and more so my students. Just today I was wondering about the bat...

All I saying is, if you try out any of the recipes, just let me know you know, in the comments or post something on social media. Feedback is always welcome. Today we have my all time famous chicken spring rolls. No one does these better than me. And here is my secret recipe. What you will need:

These are so tasty, so good, so irresistible, that not a single will be left- no matter how many you make. They're called, 'aloo, anday, chicken, cheese kababs'. Quite a mouthful... literally. So let's get started. Step 1- Take 1/2 kg chicken breast, chop into 2 inch cubes in plop into a pot and add: 2 tsp ginger garlic paste 2 tsp salt 4 tbsp soy sause 1.5 tsp crushed red chillies 1 tsp black pepper Sprinkle with a little water, mix thoroughly and let cook until water is dry. Take care it doesn't burn. This will take about half an hour. In a chopper, chop the chicken well. Step 2- Take 1/2 kg potatoes and boil till well done. Peel and mash. Step 3- Boil 2 eggs, peel and chop in chopper. Step 4- Put all the above in a big bowl. Step 5- Put 4 tbsp of cream cheese into the bowl. Step 6- Mix all really well and make into medium oval shaped balls. Dip in egg, then bread crumbs and deep fry over medium heat for about 7 to 8 minutes till golden br...

We live to see another Ramadhan. Many did not make it. For those of us that have, we need to utilize as best we can. There is no doubt however, that the 'Iftaar' is an art best celebrated and indulge in by Pakistanis. I myself am partial to some tasty fried treats- and deserts. But I won't really make deserts, except maybe fruit custard, minus the fruit for me. (Some habits just don't change.) Any way, I thought I might share, from time to time, some classics. Some I used to make for my kids too. They really loved the aloo chicken cheese kababs. I remember asking my daughter during her adventure in formulating 'balls' out of the batter I had given her, why she was making them so small, to which she quickly replied, 'Well, they'll just be more off them; they'll last longer.' Hilarious. I'll be making those tomorrow In Sha Allah. But today I made something so easy and deceivingly tasty.

Today, right now- it's really all we have. Yesterday is gone and so have all the other yesterdays before that. And tomorrow isn't promised. I'm not saying that you should not recall past events; I mean how else will you prevent the same mistakes now? No! Thinking, recollecting is a good thing. But excess of it is not. It just pulls you down into a rut. Also, I'm not saying don't think about the future. Thinking about a brighter and better tomorrow makes you hop out of bed. I know I have bucket loads of it, except I tweak the word 'hope' to 'faith'.

Google stream of consciousness. It's weird. It's just crazy. I was blown away when I first learned about it. I thought about how my brain works. There should be some kind of machine that can type the letters at the rate of the words racing through my mind, wait, there is something like that. I think my phone can do something like that. Ah my phone. That thing really is a little piece of magic. There is just so much to do, but I don't feel like doing anything. Tried taking a bath, maybe that would get me in the mood- to no avail. I'd like some tea. I'm cutting down on sugar. I used to take tea that was so sweet. You should ask my son Sufyan. He would make tea for me. It used to be sweet- just like him, never a sweeter soul have I seen on earth. He used to say he that he sprinkled a little Horlicks or something, I can't remember, on the tea- for effect I think. That's just the kind of kid he was. I don't know what he is like today, but I'd like to thi...

It all usually begins with the ringing of a bell downstairs in the wee hours of the morning. That would be my dad disabling the security alarm to unlock the door for me (yes, I'm that useless) as I would soon be headed out for my job. At this point there is a good hour and a half though, but now I'm wide awake. I think of my day ahead. Lately, work has been even more crazier that usual. Fifteen minutes before my driver is due to arrive (and yes, still don't know- or won't learn to drive), I make my way to my vanity- it's a pretty awesome vanity with brushes and serums and makeup and perfumes and other knicks and knacks. This is a special ritual. It's always so enjoyable. Something exciting is happening; I've almost finished my Lancome foundation- it is going to be an empty bottle in a couple of days! Such triumph- such glory!

Dreams. The word has such positive connotations- such an upbeat, motivating and hopeful ring. You dream, you do, you get. That is the general sequence of things I am told. It's sad that I haven't actually had those kind of dreams. Literal dreams. I suppose it's always a good thing to get quite suddenly jolted back into reality only to realise that it was 'only a dream' and then sigh a huge sigh of relief. 'Oh! It was just a dream- thank Goodness!' Yeah. Those are the dreams I dream. Not frequently. Any other dreams I have are just that. Lost into the ether as the first rays of light stream into my awakening eyes. They just leave me with, well nothing, as they should. But not the former kind- oh no! In their wake, they leave a pit in my stomach. One that is filled with strange and not very pleasant feelings- feelings that resurrect what memories I have, with great labour, locked away in a little box, buried deep into a corner of my heart. If that P...

I know it almost sounds like an antithesis. But this is what happened. As you may well know, I had the pleasure of teaching a bunch grade eleven students English Language this year. Suffice it to say that it was the journey. I fell in love with their determination and the more I got to know them, the more I realized their uniqueness. I taught with a zeal and fervor that surpassed my expectations of myself. And this was not lost upon these kids as I was soon going to find out. So today, the third last day of their tenure at school, ready to head out into the 'real world', I was presented with a basket full of goodies shrouded by the thin veil of white gossamer net that was studded with sparkly sequins. Through the net, I could see my two favourite things in the world (amidst other odds and ends): chocolates and random adorable stationery. Well things like this don't happen everyday and I admit I did not take it very well. There was shock, a gaping jaw line and then some...

At each stage of life, I believe, one has his/her key objectives and aspirations. If not, one should have these; otherwise there is no meaning in the life.   For example, when one is a student, his objective will be to pass his exams with good grades. Once that objective is achieved, there will be one or more other objectives.   This key objective is like the goal in football game. There are many hinderances in reaching to the goal and finaling kicking the ball into goal. Even when one has made the final kick, it is possible that the football will hit the poles of the goal. However, if one is a good player, he is likely to kick in the goal making sure that the ball does not hit poles or goes over the goal.   The lesson is that one has to remain focused on his goals. There are players of the opposite team which do not want you to succeed and there are other players of your own team who want you to succeed and are helpful in achieving your goal. ...