How our experiences define who we are

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Ever heard of a home to work balance? Or the term 'being professional' and leaving behind 'baggage'? I'm not so sure about the validity of any of these terms.

For instance, whilst teaching, at about 20 times during the course of the day, a connection is made in way to another to my kids. For those of you who don't know, it's been around four years now since I last saw them. So connections- I'll see a word and I'll be reminded of something. Sometimes (and it has now become sometimes), it will bring a smile to my lips, albeit a sad one- but a smile nonetheless. Like the word 'keen'. My daughter used that once. I don't know why that has stuck. Or the word 'cancer'. There a long dark story their, albeit with a happy ending. Or the universal crap that teens will throw at you. Or the PTMs where moms are forever lamenting the fact the kids are literally doomed.




Yeah lot's of things remind me of them. And when that happens, you can't hide it. What is my super power? I use the memories to my advantage. Call it projection or over compensation. Call it what you will. It makes me a better person. It also gives me hope. I am weirdly optimistic despite the mountains of despair that has been hurled at me over the years. Mountains I have scaled and peaks I have conquered. There are plenty of more summits to climb. I'll no doubt tumble right down to the bottom, taking an avalanche down with me no doubt. It just struck me that I am a very larger than life person on the inside. Oxymoronic? Perhaps.

Our experiences, mostly the ones that fill us with gut wrenching sorrow and shove us into a bottomless chasm of anguish and pain, define who we are and who we choose to become. We could wallow in self pity and allow our God-gifted talents to slowly rot into an utterly useless heap of discarded waste matter. Or we can rise above it. Metamorphose it. Use it. Fight. Love. Fearlessly live. Dream. Dream big.


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