Confessions; Where I'm Coming From

It's not easy for me to open up about anything. I've been a very private person all my life. Suffice it to say, it took a lot of contemplating before I actually sat down to write this post.

I mean no harm to anybody. My views are my own, and as a human being I could be wrong. I am a firm believer of faith and destiny. All good and bad is from Allah. We can only strive to make choices that we feel are founded in our values and morals. If you lose these essential qualities which is the very fabric of your existence, you will ultimately lose yourself.

And so I sit here today, almost seven months since I last saw my children. Whatever happened is in the past, and I have since accepted my fate. With that acceptance came a certain amount of peace. The memories of their faces, smiles, tears and all, will forever be sketched in my heart. The one thing that will haunt me though, is knowing that I was an awesome mother to them and that I can not (regardless of sincere efforts on my part) continue to be so. I know you must think in what way that can be all right. But dear reader, the precious young things are under the protection of The Greatest Source of Love there is in the universe, I must believe that it must be enough- for there is nothing else I can do. Part of moving on is accepting what can not be changed. It is done.



The point of this blog, is to pull up all those people out there who have scaled mountains of hardships and are continuing to do so. I will also write about things that have or do inspire me. I will share some of the things I have learnt, albeit, the hard way. You know, when I see the misery around me, be it due to poverty, sickness, tyranny, oppression or the tonnes of other vices out there, I tend to get cynical of this world.

At this point I forcefully stop myself. I scold myself. I think to myself, how could I possibly deny the beauty of this world?

Don't I see the smile on my mother's face when I come home from work?

Don't I see how my father searches for the tender piece of meat in the pilaf and put it in my plate? Isn't that what a dad would do for a 6 year old rather than a 36 year old?

Or do I deny the unwavering support of my siblings and their spouses?

Or maybe I should deny the solid roof over my head that shields me from the heat and rain, or should I not be thankful for accessibility to delicious food whenever I want...and cool refreshing water on a hot afternoon.

Do I deny the heaps of lovely clothes I now get to wear, where once I could not?

Should I not be grateful for my good health and resilience to hardship, for being a survivor?

Should I reject the respect and acceptance of my colleagues, or a job that I love for that matter?

Should I dispute the beauty of  watching the sun set with a hot cup of tea and good book in my lap?

Should I then not appreciate the brave men and women of my society volunteering relentlessly to make it a better place?

Should I shun the education I am lucky to have gotten- the tool through which I am self sufficient in times of crisis?

I know I could go on and on for an eternity and not run out of blessings to note.

Everyday is a struggle, everyday is a challenge. I am before you unshaken in my resolve to use the remainder of my days on this earth for the greater good, for something bigger than myself. I may not be there for my jewels, but I will be there for the children of the world. I will teach them compassion, I will teach them tolerance, I will teach them to give appreciation where appreciation is due, I will instill in them empathy, I will propagate the message of love, and while I'm at it, I'll make sure they get those good grades everybody raves about.  And they will all be my children. Will it be easy? I think not, but will that stop me? I'd like to see you try.