November Blues

By -

With the cool breeze and not so humid days, also come the sniffles and the quiet. Quiet because the hum of fans no longer provides the din in the backdrop of our daily lives. Everything seems suddenly very loud and the walls seem to have more perkier ears than before.With the November temperature, the linens and wool escape the deep recesses of wardrobes. These are adorned with the most magnificent autumn colours; mature, deep and so present in the moment.

But for me, November also marks an anniversary- the anniversary of my own escape from the recesses of doom. A full three years since I escaped the bonds of unholy matrimony. But just like the paradox that life is, my children are still lost in the winter bleakness. With a dash of light, comes a pinch of darkness- always.


I recollect that moment clearly, and yet I don't want to any longer.

In the interim, I have grown and become and am becoming who I was truly meant to be- but not a mom. Well not technically, although I am literally. They say that all is well that ends well, but in my experience, there are just too many factors to realize that generalisation. Nonetheless, I wouldn't change it even if I could.

Family, friends, love, respect and preservation of dignity are so close to my heart, but it was only after I had none that I realized what their true worth was when I was one November night, suddenly  bestowed so abundantly with it all.

We all keep drifting towards death with each and every passing breath. We inch ever so closer towards the whisperings of that eternal darkness, and yet it remains to be seen whether it will provide any refuge or solace or relief from the pain that is collected over time. I should like to hope so.

Melancholy is not a good colour on any human being- except me I believe. Because I am the personification of it, but I should like to say, the hue is oddly vibrant.

I persist; I am at war, I am at peace.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What the Young Tree Whispered in my Ear

By -
Image
I rested my head against the car window, adjusting my angle to avoid the sharp noon sun rays. They filtered through the thinning foliage of the young tree that caressed the car door. I looked up lazily. She was not a big thing, young - but not too young. She had not seen many winters I suppose, but enough at least, to give me respite against the glare of the sun, the kind of glare that looks specially sharper in the midst of winter. Until then, I had not noticed the tiny red flowers that were scattered scantily all over her branches. They danced in the soft breeze, carelessly, along with their green counterparts. The beauty of the scene mesmerized me, until nothing in my peripheral vision existed any longer. Suddenly, it was just her and me.
Read more

The Thirsty Sparrow and what it Taught Me

By -
Image
There is an image in my head. It's been quite a few days, but it has not faded. It was a fleeting thing. The type of thing nobody would give a second thought to. I also remember thinking it's funny how even mundane things can be a source of inspiration, but more on that later. There was a little sparrow, dipping its beak with rapid precision, smack right in the middle of the traffic junction, in a little puddle of murky water. It was oblivious to the moving seas of cars swishing past. The puddle was in the 'neutral zone' of the junction- right in the center where no cars could overlap. In all fairness, it is Karachi and the traffic can get out of hand at any given second, yet this bird knew only its thirst and probably noticed that this particular crevice was somehow, immune to any danger. As I looked on for a minute at its incessant task, I realized that this was such a fitting analogy of the life I currently live.
Read more

The Scales of Life

By -
Image
 ... are tipped slightly against us. No one in their right frame of mind would or could doubt that. It is this very notion that makes life interesting - worth living. What good is the prize if its right there for the taking? What sweetness would be got from low hanging fruit?  When we raise children, an age old tested method to get them to do something is to make them work for something they want. It develops grit and enables a child to gain a deep seated appreciation for hard work. (Something being lost as time goes by, but that is another blog for another day.) I remember dangling novels in front of my daughter for doing her chores. Sure some might call this bribery but I beg to differ.  However, one must always resort to making people work to get at something (call it bribery if you will) in moderation. You can't dangle candy in front a baby and then quickly take it away. Wouldn't sit right with anyone. You want to keep it at a distance, laying in the far corner nonchalantly
Read more