Lessons Learnt the Hard Way

It's been a while, but in my defence a lot has been happening. First, my sister had a baby, her third boy. But it was a risky surgery with her life on the line. Thankfully, all ended well and then she came over to stay. They're gone now, after a month, and it's quiet. I miss the kid the most - she named him after my third born. Simultaneously, I've been giving online classes. I have a dirty little secret: I actually enjoy planning and executing these online sessions. There are just so many great interactive sites to get students' thinking juices flowing. And the impact has warranted an unprecedented amount of ... love. It's so humbling... kids are awesome. So much better than adults who just chew you and spit you out... well not all adults... ha ha. Case in point from a little 5th grader (excuse her English - I was subbing in for a fifth grade teacher): I didn't even know she had put this post into the Zoom chat until my co-host teacher saved it and i

Another cold season is upon us, and the schools are off. Sleeping, eating and chilling are high up on the list of 'to do' things. But there are things near the bottom too: grading papers, making presentations, lesson planning, catching up on reading and getting some quality family time. My brother went off back to Toronto with his family earlier this week. But on the up side, my other brother is coming back after five long years in a bit... my sister and I have planned pranking him at the airport - so what if I'm too old to be doing this stuff - one should be young at heart.

Ah, the weekend finally arrives. I feel like there is nobody who truly feels a weekend quite like a teacher does. As we approach the end of the year, things only seem to get crazier. Half the stuff is about next year! But back to the weekend. With Ramadhan right around the corner, this is the last day I'll be able to go out to lunch with my sister. We've planning something for weeks, but like all fun plans, they don't always materialise. Let's see if we can make it happen today. It's such a simple notion- planning to go out to lunch with someone you love- just planning, Yet, it's these small things in life that matter so much.

Ever wonder about the idiosyncrasies of life that are universal? Certain routines, certain relationships, certain environments that hold the same basic qualities no matter where or when you are. It's both problematic and comforting simultaneously. Take for instance, a new work place. Some things never change- the tea, the desk, the people who work, the people who don't, the people who want to but can't- the list goes on. The thing that quite bugs me is the sameness of the situation. The thing that gives me a measure of solace is the sameness of the situation.

I don't think there ever is one. Let me explain. People strive (or most people do) to attain something in life. For some people its fame, for some money, good health, even good old-fashioned love. The journey has purpose and is fueled with passion and hope. Hope that the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow will all be worth it. Here's the thing though. When you final get to the end, there is no gold. It may be something that shines like gold, but it never really is gold. In fact, even the glamour and dazzle does not last. Not that I'm saying you shouldn't have dreams and aspirations. Quite the opposite really. Life only moves forward if there is something to drive it. But if life has taught me anything, the end game is never the glorious ending you expect it to be. In the end, it all goes away.

Life is more less going smoothly until BAM! Something happens that totally derails your center and starts to make you doubt yourself. That's apart from the anguish that crashes in waves and cascades down your cheeks. And that is precisely what happened a couple of days ago. To cut a long story short, I had a very unpleasant experience with a colleague. Now workplace tussles do occur. However, it's when accusations are hurled with utter and reckless abandon that things get nasty. Not everyone is the same. I keep telling myself that my past has made me stronger, and in a lot of ways it has. But I suppose the scars sometimes tear at the seams. I was crushed that someone would have insinuations about me like the ones she threw around. It took me back to a dark time in my life, a time I have left far behind me- but apparently not so far behind. So struck was I, that I actually left work to come home to get some space.I have never done that! But everything happens for a reason

Another important day has become a part of history. Although the fun, laughter, Eidi (spending money received by seniors), guests, being guests, and the partying is refreshing, it is also a time to reflect. Another Eid is not guaranteed. Neither is another day for that matter. But it does give you perspective. Are you happy with where you are in life? Is there something you wish you could do right now? It there something you aspire to? Is there anything more out there? What do you look forward to getting done until next Eid? How was this year any different than the last?

Dear readers, Sometimes, life is so sad. You hear about things... about the tragic circumstances of life. A first time young mother loses her new born son days after the birth- a middle aged man watches helplessly as his aged father gradually slips away- another young woman is stuck in a household that disregards her existence... (that one sounds familiar)...

Being in a rather introspective mood today, I have been contemplating the source of my so called strength. There is no doubt that there isn't a single soul on the face of this earth who has not undergone, is undergoing and shall continue to undergo what my dad likes to call 'takleef'- 'pain'. That is what the definition of the world is. Ironically, this very pain, the grief, the trauma, the despair is what highlights pockets of joy and happiness in a spectacular way. It takes loss to know gain. It takes stress to know relaxation. It takes evil to know good.

Today, right now- it's really all we have. Yesterday is gone and so have all the other yesterdays before that. And tomorrow isn't promised. I'm not saying that you should not recall past events; I mean how else will you prevent the same mistakes now? No! Thinking, recollecting is a good thing. But excess of it is not. It just pulls you down into a rut. Also, I'm not saying don't think about the future. Thinking about a brighter and better tomorrow makes you hop out of bed. I know I have bucket loads of it, except I tweak the word 'hope' to 'faith'.

Dreams. The word has such positive connotations- such an upbeat, motivating and hopeful ring. You dream, you do, you get. That is the general sequence of things I am told. It's sad that I haven't actually had those kind of dreams. Literal dreams. I suppose it's always a good thing to get quite suddenly jolted back into reality only to realise that it was 'only a dream' and then sigh a huge sigh of relief. 'Oh! It was just a dream- thank Goodness!' Yeah. Those are the dreams I dream. Not frequently. Any other dreams I have are just that. Lost into the ether as the first rays of light stream into my awakening eyes. They just leave me with, well nothing, as they should. But not the former kind- oh no! In their wake, they leave a pit in my stomach. One that is filled with strange and not very pleasant feelings- feelings that resurrect what memories I have, with great labour, locked away in a little box, buried deep into a corner of my heart. If that P

Recently, I met a relative of my ex-husband's at a wedding. She was very cordial and gave me a big, fat hug, asked how I'd been and all the other pleasantries that go with 'catching up' on an old acquaintance. As luck would have it, a little old lady decided to step in. I had never seen her before. She asked our mutual friend to introduce me. And it is here that this aquaintance had to actually address the elephant in the room, that I was her so and so's ex-wife. To my utter surprise, she introduced me alright, but as the present wife of my very very ex-husband, and I was shocked. I had to stop her and correct her and totally persuade her that everything was definitely full and final to which she seemed surprised. Feeling slightly (or perhaps very) uncomfortable, the sweet little old lady decided to quietly slip away. As I  resolutely confirmed my friend/acquaintance that I was quite single, she still seemed confused saying that she was speaking to my ex's