Talking Divorce; Still Taboo

Recently, I met a relative of my ex-husband's at a wedding. She was very cordial and gave me a big, fat hug, asked how I'd been and all the other pleasantries that go with 'catching up' on an old acquaintance. As luck would have it, a little old lady decided to step in. I had never seen her before. She asked our mutual friend to introduce me. And it is here that this aquaintance had to actually address the elephant in the room, that I was her so and so's ex-wife.

To my utter surprise, she introduced me alright, but as the present wife of my very very ex-husband, and I was shocked. I had to stop her and correct her and totally persuade her that everything was definitely full and final to which she seemed surprised. Feeling slightly (or perhaps very) uncomfortable, the sweet little old lady decided to quietly slip away. As I  resolutely confirmed my friend/acquaintance that I was quite single, she still seemed confused saying that she was speaking to my ex's family only some days back and they had said that nothing was final and implied that everything would be 'okay'.

It's funny how I felt.




I could feel a wave of emotions come over me. First, anger! It was coming on to two years since the official divorce and three since the separation. But then... pity. Pity for a family that was either in denial or had too much ego to disclose that a woman had divorced the man. In a span of just a few seconds I realized that this divorce was the best thing to have happened to me. Despite losing my kids, and despite missing them all the time, I had finally found myself.

Back to the wedding; the lady seemed uncomfortable. She said she felt for the kids. No kidding! I don't know if she ever spoke to the father convincing him to do something about it. But I let a of stuff slide these days. A lot of stuff just doesn't bother me anymore. But as I stood there, standing tall and proud, she actually understood. She even made a profound comment on what it is that must have transpired that I had taken this bold step. True that!

Funny thing is, I thought the whole world must know by now and that indeed my divorce was old and ancient news. But apparently, not many people talk about it. Not even in idle gossip. Such is the subject of divorce and I don't get it. After all, it is mentioned in the Quran. It is the major subject of suits at the law courts and yet women are frightened to speak about it.

It's never pretty, a couple breaking up, but it happens. It's sad that so many marriages can be saved and yet they are not. But it's never sad when there is nothing but abuse and venom in a marriage, nothing but hate that is so intense, it is enough to drive one to madness. No, it's never ugly then. Then it becomes a gateway to freedom, to relief! To breathing without knots of fear, or to eat with the sensation of taste. Life in a horrendous and abusive marriage and it is no life, it's a punishment. And those kind of dynamics are not good for the kids either.

I live now, really live- and I intend to make every second count.

Whatever doesn't kill you....