New Beginnings
There come some junctions in life that give the opportunity of starting afresh. Sometimes those junctions branch off into completely new directions and sometimes they provide a fresh start to something specific. Say for instance marriage. That's a big one. Life takes a 180 degree turn and everything changes. Except a mother's love I suppose. Or for a student a new grade. That may seem like a lesser deal, but for the student, it is completely uncharted territory with potential and promise.
I remember the day I got married. And I remember the day it ended. Both were the biggest changes (and subsequent opportunities) that I have experienced ever. Except for the birth of my kids. I don't regret anything that has happened... I wouldn't change a thing because all of it has bought me to now. I am who I am and what I am because of all the unspeakable atrocities I have had to face. Nobody became a better person from sitting back and enjoying the view.
Because I'm here, I have become a part of the inspiration of a young girl to revert to Islam and to be her mentor of sorts in this transition phase. I have had the chance to make a difference in lives of the young girls of my community. I am giving back in my own way. That is enough for me right now. The session has ended, and with it comes reflection on how I can do a superior job next time. I'm going back to work on 15th July. That gives me time to think about even more effective ways to polish students both academically and personally. Not to mention, this year I've asked my sis-in-law to get me a laminator and a document camera. She joked about it with a friend of hers who was awed by the fact that her relatives ask for shoes and purses whereas my sis-in-law would be getting tech stuff for hers.
New beginnings.
But marriage- that's a big one. The word marriage is synonymous with trust. When that goes, everything goes. I was sitting with my neighbour a couple of days ago just chatting about life. And she said that she was through being taken in with appearances. No longer did the outer looks of someone define what men or women (but especially men) were actually like. But she did have a litmus test for men. She said that even after five years of marriage, if a woman praises her husband for being just (just!), he was a good man, a better man, a decent man. The first year or two are deceiving- the real picture starts coming out later. The good news is, many many men are good.
I'm no longer married, but I still believe in marriage. It's the people in the marriage that fail the concept and not vice versa. I wish the most just of men upon my daughters. The most gentle souls who love and respect their heart's desires (not unreasonable ones of course). I just hope that lines of communication between them remain open. I wish the most just of women upon my sons. People say marriage is synonymous with tolerance but this word has such a negative connotation. I think if their is trust and understanding and most importantly- no fear, then it will be a good marriage. The problem is people mistake fear and respect. The first is death, the second life. This was my mistake. The biggest one. Unsaid feelings get pent up and at some point in time they explode. But one must have trust and have the confidence that their partner will hear them out - with respect, with dignity, without fear of being persecuted, judged, accused.
That in my opinion, makes a successful marriage. I lived for the most part of my marriage, in abject fear. Fear of being judges, fear of being hurt, of being separated from my children, fear even, of my life. Now I am separated from my children. But I have no more fear. And I don't want to dwell on the past. Only on the future. A future with hope, and no fear.
I remember the day I got married. And I remember the day it ended. Both were the biggest changes (and subsequent opportunities) that I have experienced ever. Except for the birth of my kids. I don't regret anything that has happened... I wouldn't change a thing because all of it has bought me to now. I am who I am and what I am because of all the unspeakable atrocities I have had to face. Nobody became a better person from sitting back and enjoying the view.
Because I'm here, I have become a part of the inspiration of a young girl to revert to Islam and to be her mentor of sorts in this transition phase. I have had the chance to make a difference in lives of the young girls of my community. I am giving back in my own way. That is enough for me right now. The session has ended, and with it comes reflection on how I can do a superior job next time. I'm going back to work on 15th July. That gives me time to think about even more effective ways to polish students both academically and personally. Not to mention, this year I've asked my sis-in-law to get me a laminator and a document camera. She joked about it with a friend of hers who was awed by the fact that her relatives ask for shoes and purses whereas my sis-in-law would be getting tech stuff for hers.
New beginnings.
But marriage- that's a big one. The word marriage is synonymous with trust. When that goes, everything goes. I was sitting with my neighbour a couple of days ago just chatting about life. And she said that she was through being taken in with appearances. No longer did the outer looks of someone define what men or women (but especially men) were actually like. But she did have a litmus test for men. She said that even after five years of marriage, if a woman praises her husband for being just (just!), he was a good man, a better man, a decent man. The first year or two are deceiving- the real picture starts coming out later. The good news is, many many men are good.
I'm no longer married, but I still believe in marriage. It's the people in the marriage that fail the concept and not vice versa. I wish the most just of men upon my daughters. The most gentle souls who love and respect their heart's desires (not unreasonable ones of course). I just hope that lines of communication between them remain open. I wish the most just of women upon my sons. People say marriage is synonymous with tolerance but this word has such a negative connotation. I think if their is trust and understanding and most importantly- no fear, then it will be a good marriage. The problem is people mistake fear and respect. The first is death, the second life. This was my mistake. The biggest one. Unsaid feelings get pent up and at some point in time they explode. But one must have trust and have the confidence that their partner will hear them out - with respect, with dignity, without fear of being persecuted, judged, accused.
That in my opinion, makes a successful marriage. I lived for the most part of my marriage, in abject fear. Fear of being judges, fear of being hurt, of being separated from my children, fear even, of my life. Now I am separated from my children. But I have no more fear. And I don't want to dwell on the past. Only on the future. A future with hope, and no fear.
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